Are You Ready to BUMBLE?!
The Great National Embarrassment Does it Again
The following is just a brief and gratis commentary.
There is nothing that says “Dignity” quite like the sight of grown men trying to beat each other senseless and calling it “Sport.” It provides an evening of entertainment that can light up the brain even of many a psychopath, and that is sure to stimulate the sensory receptors of morons everywhere. What could be more fitting for the celebration of the 250th anniversary of American Independence than violent games in a UFC cage? Historians will look back on the event as a perfect fit for the times in which it is taking place. It brings back the glories of ancient Rome with the gladiatorial games in which several men battled and were killed violently for the merriment and amusement of the audience.
The one difference, however, that stops just short of matching the spectacle of the glory that was Rome is this: If any of these modern American gladiators dies in the cage, it will have to be ruled an accident. What a shame for Stephen Miller: Otherwise, these games would have the potential of being even more exciting than the sight of ICE and Border Patrol agents shooting innocent people in Minneapolis. Oh well; let us enjoy the entertainment even within limits imposed by what is left of anything remotely resembling civilization. At least it answers the big question: Is Donald Trump the Second Coming of Jesus, the Christ himself? Is he even a doctor? Apparently no to both questions. He is Ceasar, a mad ruler holding violent games to honor his empire on its special and glorious day. The Founding Fathers would be so glad - that is, glad not to be alive right now.
Is it any wonder that those space aliens, about whom we hear so much, are not revealing themselves? Is it any wonder why, despite the fact that eyewitnesses place most of them within the skies over the United States, they never really say, “Take me to your leader?” If they have seen the “Leader of the Free World” then they must be content to remain unobserved during their zoological investigations.
This is the kind of spectacle that would, were I to live in another country, tempt me to pretend to be Canadian. “Oh yes, those yanks south of the border are colorful (I mean colourful) characters indeed. We stopped associating with them when John Candy said that our beer sucks - at a Hockey game of all things.”
During the four years between Trump administrations, the orange clown would try to tell us that the world was laughing at the United States. Had he been honest even with himself, he would have had to admit that such was actually memories of his own foreign visits between 2017 and 2021; as always, he projected. The reality is that the United States, while Joe Biden was in office, led the whole world in post pandemic economic recovery. For a brief time we recovered a certain amount of respect on an international level. But now that has been reversed.
Maybe we could encourage our modern Caesar to follow in the footsteps of a real Caesar, namely Commodus. After all, that is a name he brings easily to mind. We could nickname his statue “The Gold Commodus.” Obviously, a man in such perfect physical shape, even if he does say so himself, would really “kick ass” if he, like that ancient Gladiator Caesar, entered the arena, that is, the cage. After all, the sight of him behind bars is a natural. What an exciting show it would be. Even Stepehen Miller’s brain might light up at the sight.